Five Ways to Avoid Having a Retirement Identity Crisis

Copyright (c) 2008 Lin Schreiber
A few years before my first “retirement”, my husband and I attended a cocktail party where I became keenly aware of how attached everyone I met that night was to their work identity. On the way home, I remember smugly commenting how sad it was that so many people would be lost without the identity provided by what they did for a living. So imagine how stunned I was, those few years later, to find myself completely and totally lost when I left my career as TV and special events producer. I found I no longer knew who I left my title behind.
My friend Nancy had “retired” to the country at the age of 45 when her husband – twenty years her senior – retired from his career. She had what – at the time – seemed like terrific advice. “Just tell anyone who asks that you’re temporarily retired,” she said with a twinkle. “First, they’ll be terribly jealous, and then, of course, they’ll ask what you used to do. Voila, you have your identity back!”
Now that I’m older (and hopefully wiser) and have survived my first retirement identity crisis, I now know that clinging to the past is not the way to successfully make this transition. While it can be scary to walk away from the identity you carried for so many decades, there are some excellent ways you can avoid a serious identity crisis:
1. Think of retirement not as an ending, but as your next career move. Who said retirement has to be a drop-dead point? Stop looking at this transition as the end of life as you’ve known it — the big black hole into which you are about to freefall. Instead, approach this next stage of life as if you were planning the next step in your career. It doesn’t matter if you want what’s next for you to be a 180 degree departure from what you’ve been doing. As you craft your next “move”, you’ll be creating a new identity.
2. Start trying on new identities for size before you retire. Don’t wait to begin exploring what’s next until the day you walk out the door of your current work life. Use your time wisely by dipping your toes into lots of different activities and experiences. The more things you try, the more easily you’ll be able to determine what you really want to be doing next. Some things will work; some won’t. And, it’ll all be perfect, because along the way, you’ll be building confidence in your abilities, and weeding out those things that aren’t a good fit for who you are now.
3. Tell people you’re rewiring, not retiring. I recommend Jeri Sadler’s book, Don’t Retire, Rewire, to everyone I know, not only because it’s a great book, but because the title is the best description of what it is we’re really doing as we transition into this next life stage. This is a great time to gain the tools you’ll need to overcome whatever might short-circuit your success.
4. Better yet, let go of caring what other people think, say or do. Remember, this is your time, and there is no such thing as a permanent record. What if you finally do what you want to do? What’s the harm in taking all the time you need to discover what it is you want to do, and exactly who it is you want to be? Isn’t it time you let go of worrying about what other people think, and stopped twisting yourself inside out to please them? And ask yourself this: is it really other people judging your decision to retire and take a new life course, or is it just you judging you? Is the chorus of naysayers in your head so loud that it’s paralyzing you from making the best possible choices about who you want to be for the rest of your life?
5. Drop the masks and get to know the real you. How much of the identity you’ve been carrying around all these years is the real you, and how much of it has been masking who you are in your soul? How much of your personality did you leave at home every day? How much were you able to express the “real” you in your career? This is the grand opportunity in the transition in to retirement: to finally get to know your true self, the identity at your core, your essence, and then find ways to express it fully in the world.
If you look forward to creating a whole new fabulous you in retirement, you won’t have to fear what’s next, and you certainly don’t have to worry about losing your identity.

Saving for Retirement ? a Commitment to Change

Let’s take a moment to review what we’ve discussed so far.

• I’ve stated my position that the reason most paycheck-to-paycheck employees have such a difficult time saving for retirement is because paycheck-to-paycheck employees do not earn enough to live the lives they desire while working and retire to the lives they desire as well.

• Generally, it is not your fault.

• Even though the inability to adequately save is not your fault, it is up to you to either continue doing what you’re now doing or to take positive actions to improve your life outcomes including more money, if you choose.

• To bring about meaningful changes into your life requires a COMMITMENT TO CHANGE and a PROCESS.

• There are many processes available from the many books, audio CDs, and DVDs on the market created by personal development authors.

• If you have not chosen a process for change from one of those sources, feel free to adopt the one I recommend in these articles that has served me well. I call it The 180 Degree Life.

• If you have adopted this 180 degree life, you should have prepared two lists. One list consists of what you “do not want” in your life any longer, and the other will be a list of things you “do want”.

Now I suggest that you put each list onto a separate sheet of paper. Take the “do not want” list and shred it into very small pieces and flush them in small groups down the toilet, making sure that each group of shreds does not plug up the plumbing. You should now begin to focus your attention on your remaining “do want” list as much as you possible can. Lest we forget, somewhere on that “do want” should be your desire of saving for retirement in ways and amounts that truly support the life you want. By the way, those “do not want” thoughts may initially rush into your mind in a volume you’ve never noticed before. It is as if they know you’re about to replace them, and they are determined not to give up their happy home. A word of warning, however. Do not fight nor resist them. Simply observe them briefly, mentally (or audibly) tell them they are no longer welcome, and gently move your focus to “do want” thoughts. Be determined but not confrontational with those “do not want” thoughts. More about this later.

You’re probably asking yourself: “Do I really have to do that?” Of course you don’t! Here is what this silly little symbolic ceremony meant to me, however. It provided me with a reference point. Whenever one of those “do not want” thoughts crossed the screen of my mind, I would say to it: “You are no longer welcome here. Remember, I flushed you from my life.” I would then immediately begin focusing on its opposite “do want” thought.

If your “do want” list is anything like mine was, it is probably a fairly long list. I suggest that you take some time and prioritize it. Take your time. Do not rush. Honor yourself and your desires. The changes you make will be with you for the remainder of your life so give thoughtful consideration to the order of the list.

I think you will agree that nothing I’ve suggested or described so far is “back-breaking” physical work, nor does this process produce mental stress. In fact it is quite easy to do, which was perhaps my greatest problem. As Jeff Olson said in his delightful book The Slight Edge, “Anything that is easy to do is also easy not to do.”

Remember, you do not have to live on less in retirement. No matter where you are right now financially, you can build and enjoy a Million Dollar lifestyle retirement.

Five Ways to Challenge Your Mind in Retirement

You have probably heard people say that the best way to keep your mind sharp after retirement is to exercise it. This “use-it-or-lose-it thinking” is the subject of much debate. Many are deeply committed to this belief while others are skeptical. Although I cannot tell you mental activity will prevent Alzheimer’s, I do believe mental activity will prevent mental atrophy. The brain works by sending messages across nerve connections. The more we use and reinforce those connections, the better our mind and memory work. So, to that end, here are ten great ways to challenge your mind in retirement.

1. Take a course or class. Whether you take advantage of a bible study at your place of worship, audit a college course or sign up for an adult education course offered in your community, learning something new creates new mental connections and reinforces the connections that enable you to think in certain ways. Taking a class is also a great way to meet people with similar interests. You can get even more out of the course by joining or creating a discussion group to talk about what you are learning outside of class.

2. Join a reading discussion group. Most public libraries and other local organizations and institutions coordinate reading groups. Small groups of people who enjoy reading choose books and gather weekly to discuss the book they have chosen. Some groups include literature teachers, critics or other experts. Reading expands the horizons of the mind. These discussion groups offer social contact, a structure to keep you reading, and new insights. If you can’t find a group in your community, then start one.

3. Join a card or game club. Whether you play bridge, canasta, rummy, pinochle, chess, checkers or other games, join a club that plays regularly. You will have fun, great conversation with other players, and you will exercise and challenge your mind. Most card and board games, even internet games, challenge you to think in specific ways. Playing regularly reinforces your ability to think strategically or on the basis of the ability to remember previous plays, etc.

4. Get involved in a community project. Every community has ongoing or short-term projects to help members of the community or to improve the quality of life for residents in some way. Finding and becoming involved in a project that resonates with you values will put you in contact with other people who will challenge you to think creatively and logically to solve problems or perform tasks. This is a great way to use what you have learned in life and the skills you perfected on the job. And, you will almost certainly come away from the experience with a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.

5. Take a part-time job doing something different. Taking a part-time job after retirement will help you learn new things and meet people with different interests and backgrounds. Many people who take part-time jobs after retirement choose something completely different from their careers. This is a nice change of pace, but it can also be a very good way to challenge your mind. Learn something new, meet new people, and maybe help some others in some way.

There are many wonderful ways to challenge your mind after retirement. Taking a course or class, joining a reading discussion group, joining a card or game club, getting involved in a community project, or taking a part-time job all have something else in common: they give you new opportunities to interact with other people on a regular basis. Our interactions with others also challenge our minds. So, get out there and do something fun and exciting to challenge your mind!